I was having a conversation about joining a book club yesterday and remembered having to write a twelve-page literary analysis in college on the short story The Lottery written by Shirley Jackson. The story weaves cult themes throughout it without acknowledging anything related to a cult. It is about a fictional small American community of … Continue reading Yom Kippur, the Scapegoat, and Surviving Ritual Abuse
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Navigating Healing: The Journey of Overcoming Shame and Loneliness
When I first learned about SRA and began working on my healing about six years ago, sessions were incredibly difficult. The difficulty did not begin when the session started, and it did not end when the session was over. I was desperate for it and yet the whole process hurt. There was the waiting, the … Continue reading Navigating Healing: The Journey of Overcoming Shame and Loneliness
Navigating Trust and Attachment in Healing
I desperately wanted healing, but I was terrified of building new relationships to help me get there. One of the things I remember is that I was not able to tell my safe person what I needed because I could not risk the attachment. When I needed something different from what was happening, I did … Continue reading Navigating Trust and Attachment in Healing
Navigating Healing: Questions to Ask Yourself
How do I know if I’m avoiding the harder things or asking myself to do something I don’t yet have the support to get through? I can want healing with everything in me and still not know how to take the next step. We know programming lies to us, so before I decide that I’m … Continue reading Navigating Healing: Questions to Ask Yourself
Recognizing Healing: Signs and Reflections
How can I know that I am healing when there are still things I struggle with and things I am not ready to face? How do I recognize the progress I have made when something gets hard again, and denial kicks in or I start questioning whether anything has actually changed? I feel like this … Continue reading Recognizing Healing: Signs and Reflections
Why Post-Conference Emotions Hit Hard
Every survivor I’ve talked to since the conference has said that they really struggled afterwards. I was not exempt from the waves of emotions that followed once I was back home. The conference always seems to birth something new in me. I don’t know if it’s the time of year, if it's because I’ve learned … Continue reading Why Post-Conference Emotions Hit Hard
Navigating Healthy Goodbyes: A Journey of Healing
I don't really have a gauge for what a healthy goodbye to people I may never see again is supposed to feel like. I suspect a mixture of joy and sadness is normal, but what I do know is that this, too, has a learning curve when you're learning how to feel emotions. I said … Continue reading Navigating Healthy Goodbyes: A Journey of Healing
Navigating Relationships After SRA: The Undoing of Trauma Bonds
One of the first things that I was taught when I stumbled into the world of SRA was that you cannot control who someone is connected to and what they choose to do with that relationship. The word "handler" means something entirely different to the outside world than it does to a survivor. Part of … Continue reading Navigating Relationships After SRA: The Undoing of Trauma Bonds
The Day a Cult-Loyal Alter Couldn’t Touch Me
It can get incredibly scary when you have back parts that are cult loyal and, as the front presenter part, you desperately want to have a relationship with Jesus but can't connect. There are seasons when His silence seems to engulf the loneliness you can already barely tolerate, and fear pushes its way into every … Continue reading The Day a Cult-Loyal Alter Couldn’t Touch Me
When Access Is Hidden Inside Something You Love: An Excerpt from My Forthcoming Book.
The following is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, Blessings in the Battle: A Survivor Companion for Healing from SRA and Mind Control Programming. The book is still in development, so the final published wording may differ from this preview. I wanted to share this chapter excerpt because survivors can become overwhelmed by the fear … Continue reading When Access Is Hidden Inside Something You Love: An Excerpt from My Forthcoming Book.