Welcome to Blessings in the Battle. I am so glad you found your way here, whether you came looking for encouragement, resources, testimony, or simply a place where hard things are spoken of with honesty and hope. This blog was created as a place to write about faith, healing, spiritual battle, trauma, survivorhood, and the long road of learning how to live with hope again. Some of what I share comes from deeply personal places, some of it is written for survivors, some of it is for the people who love them, and some of it is for anyone who has walked through pain and is trying to believe that God is still present in the middle of it.
My hope is that this blog can be one more small step toward understanding the depth of healing from SRA and mind control programming. I don’t have all the answers, and I am still on my own healing journey. I wish there was a “quick fix formula” that I could share, but this journey is long and difficult. As we take it one day at a time, I hope that sharing my lived experience will help normalize some of the things that nobody talks about.
Blessings in the Battle is a place where I write about the battle and the blessing: the grief and the grace, the hard questions and the quiet mercies, and the ways Yahweh meets us in our mess.
This site is not meant to replace counseling, crisis support, medical care, or pastoral care. I am not trying to present myself as the answer to anyone’s healing. What I can offer is testimony, reflection, encouragement, and resources gathered along the way. I believe there is something powerful about telling the truth carefully, especially when the truth has been hidden, dismissed, or made too painful to speak out loud.
IF YOU’RE NEW TO MY WRITING
Tearing Down Walls: A Journey to Healing and Connection The walls inside me were built for survival long before I understood why they were there. This is about learning to honor what protected me while allowing Yahweh to teach me that I no longer have to live behind those walls.
This is What Healing Did to My Bible I had read the Bible my whole life, but healing changed the way I saw what was written there. Trauma gave me a different set of questions, and Scripture began answering me in ways I had never understood before.
The Day I Climbed into the TV to Find a Family As a child, I found safety in a family that existed on a television screen because the world behind me was anything but safe. This is a story about loneliness, survival, and the deep longing to belong somewhere.
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IF YOU’RE A SURVIVOR
If you are a survivor, your story matters and the parts of your life that feel confusing, hidden, or hard to explain are not beyond the care of Yahweh. Healing can be slow, layered, and exhausting, but it is worth fighting for. Finding trustworthy help can be difficult, especially for SRA/MC survivors. Ask Jesus to lead you to safe people, use discernment, and do not be afraid to step away from anyone who does not feel safe or trustworthy. Please read with care. If something here feels too heavy, it is okay to stop and come back another day. My hope is that this site is a place of honesty and hope, not another rabbit hole you have to dig yourself out of.
Tearing Down Walls: A Journey to Healing and Connection The walls inside me were built for survival long before I understood why they were there. This is about learning to honor what protected me while allowing Yahweh to teach me that I no longer have to live behind those walls.
Integration Didn’t Make Me Instantly Functional Integration was not the finish line I had been led to believe it would be. Healing brought new challenges, new grief, and the realization that becoming more whole did not mean suddenly knowing how to function in a life I had never been taught how to live.
Can My Parts Hear Me Talking to Them? Communicating with parts can be complicated, especially when programming and internal barriers are involved. This is what I have learned from my own experience about talking to my parts and understanding what may be happening inside.
When Trauma Lies, Wisdom Tells Me the Truth I used to think healing meant figuring everything out and staying one step ahead of the trauma. I am learning that wisdom looks very different when I stop trying to outthink the darkness and start asking Yahweh to show me what is true.
IF YOU LOVE OR SUPPORT A SURVIVOR
If you are here because you love or support a survivor, thank you for wanting to understand. You may not always know what to say or how to help, and that’s okay. Start with humility. Listen more than you explain, remember that healing cannot be rushed, and learn what safety, patience, and compassion can look like in everyday life. Quick answers, spiritual clichés, and pressure to “move on” can wound more deeply than people realize. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is remain steady, keep learning, and resist the urge to make someone else’s healing about your own need to understand or feel comfortable.
Tearing Down Walls: A Journey to Healing and Connection The walls inside me were built for survival long before I understood why they were there. This is about learning to honor what protected me while allowing Yahweh to teach me that I no longer have to live behind those walls.
Integration Didn’t Make Me Instantly Functional Integration was not the finish line I had been led to believe it would be. Healing brought new challenges, new grief, and the realization that becoming more whole did not mean suddenly knowing how to function in a life I had never been taught how to live.
Can My Parts Hear Me Talking to Them? Understanding parts from the outside can be difficult, especially when communication inside a survivor’s system does not work the way you expect it to. This may help you better understand some of what can be happening beneath the surface.
IF YOU’RE WRESTLING WITH FAITH, TRUST, AND HEALING
Healing has changed the way I understand faith, trust, Scripture, and even the character of God. If you are trying to hold onto faith while also wrestling with pain, fear, disappointment, or questions you were never allowed to ask, these posts are a good place to begin.
This is What Healing Did to My Bible I had read the Bible my whole life, but healing changed the way I saw what was written there. Trauma gave me a different set of questions, and Scripture began answering me in ways I had never understood before.
I Could Not Call Him Father I knew Yahweh was God long before I could believe He was safe enough to call Father. This is about what happens when the language of faith collides with wounds created by the people who were supposed to love and protect us.
What I Learned About Rest That Changed Everything For a long time, healing felt like something I had to constantly work at, research, fight, and figure out. Yahweh began teaching me that rest is not stepping away from healing and that it can be part of how He heals us.
When I Need Forgiveness Too Forgiveness became much more complicated when healing forced me to face not only what had been done to me, but also the places where I needed forgiveness myself. This is about learning to hold truth, responsibility, and grace together.
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If You Need Help Now
If you are in immediate danger or feel that you may hurt yourself, please contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area right away. If you are in the United States, you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.