Every corner holds a shadow, every creaking floorboard echoes fear, and the air is thick with memories I’ve long tried to bury. Sometimes the rooms are darker than I imagined, the doors are locked, and parts have been left behind. To top it off, it’s almost Halloween and high rituals are happening in unison all over the world.

The October wind bites at my cheeks as I walk up the long cement driveway. It twists steeply up the hill, and at the top sits a house I’ve never seen look more abandoned. Its broken windows send chills down my spine like dark eyes watching me. A single, small sock lies in the driveway, half-buried in dirt, and the bare trees on either side stretch their branches like long, crooked fingers, ready to grab at anything that passes.

I’m eight years old, and my stomach churns with fear. I want to reach for my mom’s hand, but she would never allow it, and anyway, she’s too busy laughing at me. I focus instead on hiding the chill bumps circling my wrist, tiny shivers that remind me I’ve been here before and survived. Every step toward that house feels heavier, like the shadows themselves are pressing against me. The smell of damp leaves, the creak of dead branches in the wind, the echo of laughter from my mom that now sounds so far away causes me to step out of my body. I don’t want to go in there. I hate it here. I hate her for bringing me here.

Everything in me wants to push this memory away, but sometimes, you just have to do it afraid.

Fully connected to the memory of this horrid place, I’m standing on that same broken cement one last time. I take a deep breath and bend down to meet the little blue eyes staring at my feet. Gently lifting her chin, I pull her close and tell her how very sorry I am for what they did to her in that house and for what they made her do. I tell her that it’s safe to come home now. Tucking her hair behind her ears, I take her little hand and place it on my heart so that she can feel the love we have now. I can tell she feels so dirty and utterly exhausted. It’s safe, baby girl. It’s finally safe. I feel her stepping back into our body and her long overdue rescue becomes mine.

Going inside, I look around the room, past the pentagram centerpiece, and begin to see what I couldn’t see before, more small, frightened parts of myself that were left behind in the dark corners of this place. Beneath a broken table, I notice the first one: eyes wide, trembling, waiting to be found. Then another, and another, until I’ve gathered each precious piece of my younger self. They have been waiting on me for so very long.

Yeshua is beside me, His light filling the room. I hold these parts close, asking their forgiveness for all the years they spent alone, for the pain they carried when I couldn’t. One by one, I invite them home back into the safety of my heart, into the warmth of His love. The air shifts as peace begins to replace fear, and what was once a haunted house that I couldn’t face just looks terribly sad as if it has shed a thousand tears for what was done inside its walls.

There is no place that Yeshua will not go to rescue us, and we never have to go alone. The fear of remembering was so much worse than experiencing the memory itself. Now, I have the honor of showing them just how faithful He is and how very much they are loved. I am the one that gets to walk us out of the darkness, out of the cult, out of all of it. As a survivor, this is my destiny.

This is my Yahweh. As we press into Him, as we seek Him with our whole heart, as we rebuke fear and renounce the lies, as we press into Him in a surrendered knowing that His way is best even when it hurts, He shows up on an October high ritual day to bring radial healing and deliverance right in the middle of a haunted memory.

I can’t help but feel so loved and vindicated when He redeems such a dark holiday celebration on a high ritual day. Right in the middle of their satanic worship, He met me there and there was nothing the enemy could do to stop Him.

Every haunting memory is now safe to face, and healing is possible even in the places that once terrified us.

He is so faithful! I love Him so much and I can’t believe I get to live this life.