Halloween feels different this year. I was six years old the last time I had this level of gut-wrenching dread leading up to October 31st. I wasn’t allowed to choose my costume that year. I had to be a nurse, ‘a real nurse’, they said. I wore my mom’s pin, her cap, and a scrub top turned into a dress that hung just above my knobby, bruised knees. I had a special job that year, and I didn’t dare forget my stethoscope. Lives depended on me.
Even now, my body remembers what my mind has tried to forget. The smell of latex gloves, the chill in the air, the sound of laughter from kids trick-or-treating down the street, all of it stirs something deep beyond the pit of my stomach. For survivors, October can carry a weight the world doesn’t understand. While others celebrate, we brace ourselves for memories, flashbacks, or the familiar tightening in our chest that whispers, “You’re not safe.”
I wanted to be Strawberry Shortcake.
I wanted to feel the same sticky plastic mask on my face that every kid in the neighborhood would feel. Those K-mart costumes that reeked of factory fun and screamed excitement were highly esteemed in my little world. I wanted to run from house to house, holding a plastic pumpkin filled with candy, not fear.
But the choice wasn’t mine to make. My costume came with rules, responsibility, and silence. And though decades have passed, my body still remembers it all. The way the wind cut against my skin, the sound of mocking laughter at my tears and the disappointment that my only candy was M&Ms and a blue fruit juice that made me sleepy. I woke up the next morning so confused. I can’t tell you if I went door to door, or table to table, but I spent the next morning examining a bucket full of candy for needles and razor blades before hiding it in my room.
Every October, something inside me prepares for the worst. The world decorates in cobwebs, skeletons, and tombstones, while my heart revisits memories it never asked for. But this year is different. This year, I let Yeshua meet me in the memory and heal it. I invited Him to sit with that little girl who wanted to be Strawberry Shortcake. He told her she was never foolish for wanting joy, or silly for wanting to belong. And somehow, that brings a kind of healing I didn’t know I still needed.
There was no shame or victim blaming, but an impartation of understanding. An awareness even a 6-year-old could fully understand became a light that dispelled the darkness of her heart and helped her see that she missed out on nothing good. They talked about being a nurse, giving shots, and checking pulses. She told Him about falling asleep in the car and the real pain behind her tears. She started to understand the tricks of the enemy. That there is never a treat to be found in a satanic celebration, that the candy is cursed by witches who walk through grocery stores, nothing more than a ploy to come in agreement with through partaking, the costumes their way to dress up evil, and she wants no part of it. She tearfully handed over her pumpkin bucket and cried her eyes out in Yeshua’s arms. Finally, when she looked up at Him, she knew in a way that you can only know by being in His presence that everything is okay now. She will never have to celebrate Halloween again.
Please remember to check on the survivors in your life. A text or call to remind them that they’re not alone can mean more than you realize. Many are quietly enduring spiritual and emotional battles of torment and flashbacks that they will never tell you about, especially this week. Pray Psalm 91 over them, ask for warring angels to be dispatched to push back the darkness surrounding them, to silence the lies, and to cover them with His peace. Pray that they will be hidden, invisible to the enemy, that they will have a hedge of protection and a wall of fire around them that the enemy cannot penetrate. Pray that the programming and callbacks will be interrupted and ineffective so that they do not return to rituals against their free will. As you pray, ask that your prayers cover each and every part in their system, that this will be the year that every single part of them starts to understand truth and learns that there is a way out. This is dangerous time for survivors, and the warfare is real, but Yahweh is our strong tower that we can run to and be safe.
Halloween prayer of safety: https://www.kanaanministries.org/kanaan_downloads_restoration_bride_messiah/download-info/halloween-prayer-of-safety/