When I first started healing, I could not even think about my dad. It brought so much pain and loss to the surface. I don't know what I wanted or expected when I first listened to the video at the end of this post, but it certainly wasn't the emotional reaction I had. Nonetheless, it's … Continue reading I Could Not Call Him Father
sra
Can My Parts Hear Me Talking to Them?
With dissociative identity disorder (DID) that developed outside of SRA or mind control programming, parts tend to be able to hear each other much easier. They have a much less developed internal world without the bombs and traps that send survivors spiraling when set off. The front presenter part can still go for years without … Continue reading Can My Parts Hear Me Talking to Them?
Why “Send It Back to the Sender” Can Backfire
Here is a question another survivor asked, and every survivor eventually has to face: What happens if you know you are experiencing witchcraft, but you don’t realize that the source is you? What happens if you ask God to send it back to the sender, only to discover that you are the sender, and you … Continue reading Why “Send It Back to the Sender” Can Backfire
Holiday Grief
Grief during the holidays is the hardest of all, and for many survivors, it can hit with a force that feels impossible to explain. Everywhere you look, there are decorations, lights, and cheerful reminders of a season that the world calls joyful. You just want to buy groceries, and suddenly you're surrounded by garland, ornaments, … Continue reading Holiday Grief
A Month of Stretching, Shifting, and Seeing Yahweh Move
It has been a crazy month so far, the kind where you blink, and suddenly it’s three weeks later, you’re living on caffeine and grace, and Yahweh is whispering, “Keep going. I’m doing something.” So, I wanted to pause and share an update and give you a peek into some of the things happening behind … Continue reading A Month of Stretching, Shifting, and Seeing Yahweh Move
Denial Programming
Fear drives denial. There are moments on the healing journey when a memory surfaces, and almost instantly something inside begins to push it away. Suddenly you feel confusion, resistance, or an inner “No, that didn’t happen.” Coming out of denial is terrifying because it can feel like you will be out of control, go crazy … Continue reading Denial Programming
Healing Anger and Rage
I rarely meet a survivor who has a balanced relationship with anger. In the beginning, most either feel nothing at all other than numb, detached, and compliant, or they feel too much rage that comes out as explosive, consuming, and overwhelming. The middle ground is nowhere to be found until there is a deeper understanding … Continue reading Healing Anger and Rage
What Nobody Told Me About Body Memories and Panic Attacks
In all those years of traditional therapy, all those methods, all those appointments… no one ever told me this: You can soothe the nervous system and regulate your breathing. You can stretch, walk, float, detox, and ground. You can journal and process what you remember, and all of those things can be really helpful and … Continue reading What Nobody Told Me About Body Memories and Panic Attacks
The Oz Characters in Programming
One of the most common programming structures is The Wizard of Oz. It has many layers and this is only a brief overview of part of what it can mean for a survivor. I’ve struggled to know if I should share it and landed on “you shall know the truth and the truth shall set … Continue reading The Oz Characters in Programming
The Hidden Access Point in My Home
Some things from our past feel so precious, so sacred, that letting them go seems unthinkable. I wanted to cling to objects that held comfort, safety, or connection in a childhood where so little felt safe. But sometimes the things we hold onto the tightest are the very things the enemy uses to bind us. … Continue reading The Hidden Access Point in My Home