When I first started healing, I could not even think about my dad. It brought so much pain and loss to the surface. I don't know what I wanted or expected when I first listened to the video at the end of this post, but it certainly wasn't the emotional reaction I had. Nonetheless, it's … Continue reading I Could Not Call Him Father
yahweh
Can My Parts Hear Me Talking to Them?
With dissociative identity disorder (DID) that developed outside of SRA or mind control programming, parts tend to be able to hear each other much easier. They have a much less developed internal world without the bombs and traps that send survivors spiraling when set off. The front presenter part can still go for years without … Continue reading Can My Parts Hear Me Talking to Them?
A Month of Stretching, Shifting, and Seeing Yahweh Move
It has been a crazy month so far, the kind where you blink, and suddenly it’s three weeks later, you’re living on caffeine and grace, and Yahweh is whispering, “Keep going. I’m doing something.” So, I wanted to pause and share an update and give you a peek into some of the things happening behind … Continue reading A Month of Stretching, Shifting, and Seeing Yahweh Move
Healing Anger and Rage
I rarely meet a survivor who has a balanced relationship with anger. In the beginning, most either feel nothing at all other than numb, detached, and compliant, or they feel too much rage that comes out as explosive, consuming, and overwhelming. The middle ground is nowhere to be found until there is a deeper understanding … Continue reading Healing Anger and Rage
When I Need Forgiveness too
Forgiveness is hard for everyone at some point in life. But for survivors, it can be excruciating. Especially at the beginning. Especially in the middle of healing. And especially when the deep, deep memories surface down the road, the ones that expose the truth of what really happened. It’s just hard. For a long time, … Continue reading When I Need Forgiveness too
Morning Reflections
I wish every morning consisted of the aroma of fresh brewed coffee with hints of cinnamon and the calm stillness of the sunrise peeking through the trees. Fuzzy socks and the sound of my Bible pages turning at a slower pace, nudging me to linger a bit longer on that last verse highlighted just for … Continue reading Morning Reflections
Happy Sukkot!
It was not an easy journey to get to a place where I celebrate Sukkot with full peace and joy. It started out as a place of isolation and pain. What the people around me called celebrating felt like grief and heartache with all the raw wounds that I was carrying. Every year I pushed … Continue reading Happy Sukkot!