I grew up in church, went to a Christian school off and on throughout my childhood and I’ve read the Bible cover to cover many times. Yet, when I started getting memories and my parts started sharing their stories about what happened to them, the Bible changed for me. It reads differently now. The living active Word of God, the Sword of the Spirit, the full truth, the rest of the story is unfolding for me in new ways. It always meets us where we are and sometimes takes us on adventures we never imagined.

I could not have dreamed up the life I’m living today if the whole world depended on it. I had no frame of reference whatsoever in my conscious Christian presenter parts and what a crazy journey it has been. As I started to read Hebrews this evening, I could barely even stay focused because so much reminded me of this season we are in. I would read what the verse said then I would think about how that might apply It all just becomes surreal sometimes and I constantly find myself saying, “You can’t make this stuff up.”

As I sit with this, I can see a pattern in how the Word is meeting me right now. When Hebrews talks about revelation coming in many ways, about Yeshua as the perfect imprint, and about Him upholding, maintaining, and guiding all things, it’s hitting something real inside of me. I’m reminded that I used to live completely disconnected from this. Everything felt fragmented and unfortunately the counterfeit felt normal. Instability was my normal baseline, but today, I can see what He’s been doing all along. The fragmentation is slowly but surely being healed and integrated. The counterfeit is being exposed by the truth of all that Yeshua is. I’m not trying to force meaning onto the text, but this is what it looks like when the Word meets me in a place of healing and starts connecting what used to feel completely separate. My mind starts mapping out the parallels that I’ve experienced between the trauma and biblical truth.

My “First Thoughts” on Hebrews Chapter 1

1 In many separate revelations [^[a]each of which set forth a portion of the Truth] and in different ways God spoke of old to [our] forefathers in and by the prophets,

My thoughts: It has taken so many different revelations to get my story to unfold, each of which was brought forth by a part, aka a portion of my system, and there has been so many different ways that Yahweh has spoken to each of them. He has revealed truth from our ancestors as well as the prophetic.

² [But] in ^[b]the last of these days He has spoken to us in [the person of a] Son, Whom He appointed Heir and lawful Owner of all things, also by and through Whom He created the worlds and the reaches of space and the ages of time [He made, produced, built, operated, and arranged them in order].

My thoughts: Yeshua is appointed to be the lawful Owner of all things. Yeshua, please be the lawful Owner of my system. We want to be under Your Lordship, and we give you access to every part of us no matter how far those parts might be scattered in the reaches of space and the ages of time.

³ He is the sole expression of the glory of God [the Light-being, the ^[c]out-raying or radiance of the divine], and He is the perfect imprint and very image of [God’s] nature, upholding and maintaining and guiding and propelling the universe by His mighty word of power. When He had by offering Himself accomplished our cleansing of sins and riddance of guilt, He sat down at the right hand of the divine Majesty on high,

My thoughts: He is the perfect imprint – whoa! I’ve heard so much taught on how the cult tries to imprint and change our DNA and all the mixed-up things they do. But we are created in His image, His likeness, and all they can do is try to copy the perfect imprint. They cannot create, and since Yeshua’s very nature is to uphold, maintain, guide, and propel the universe by His mighty word of power, how much more can he uphold, maintain, guide, and propel my healing journey?

⁴ [Taking a place and rank by which] He Himself became as much superior to angels as the glorious Name (title) which He has inherited is different from and more excellent than theirs.

My thoughts: The kingdom of darkness is all about rank but no matter what they build, they will never be superior. All the fallen angel knowledge they are using against us will one day be gone like a vapor and they will all bow their knee to Yeshua’s more excellent glorious Name.

⁵ For to which of the angels did [God] ever say, You are My Son, today I have begotten You [established You in an official Sonship relation, with kingly dignity]? And again, I will be to Him a Father, and He will be to Me a Son?

My thoughts: In your face, Satan. You tried to destroy the very meaning of family and you’re still trying to divide and separate the only family I have left. But Yahweh is the ultimate heavenly Father who gave us Yeshua who rules with kingly dignity and doesn’t need to operate within your counterfeit box of lies.

⁶ Moreover, when He brings the firstborn Son ^[d]again into the habitable world, He says, Let all the angels of God worship Him.

My thoughts: Yes, He is worthy!

⁷ Referring to the angels He says, [God] Who makes His angels winds and His ministering servants flames of fire;

My thoughts: Send fresh fire, Yahweh! Surround us with Your ministering angels. Send warring angels to war on our behalf.

⁸ But as to the Son, He says to Him, Your throne, O God, is forever and ever (to the ages of the ages), and the scepter of Your kingdom is a scepter of absolute righteousness (of justice and straightforwardness).

My thoughts: The scepter of Yeshua is the only scepter I want in my system. Yahweh, send your holy fire and burn up any demonic scepters the enemy has placed in my system. I only want Your throne of absolute righteousness established in my system.

⁹ You have loved righteousness [You have delighted in integrity, virtue, and uprightness in purpose, thought, and action] and You have hated lawlessness (injustice and iniquity). Therefore God, [even] Your God (^[e]Godhead), has anointed You with the oil of exultant joy and gladness above and beyond Your companions.

My thoughts: Help me walk in integrity, virtue, and uprightness of purpose, thought, and action. Search me and remove any lawlessness from me. I want to feel the exultant joy and gladness that only a relationship with you can provide.

¹⁰ And [further], You, Lord, did lay the foundation of the earth in the beginning, and the heavens are the works of Your hands.

My thoughts: Thank you Yeshua, for being my firm foundation, and for the works of Your hands that we get to experience every day. It’s a good reminder that no matter what programming throughs at us, You are the foundation (the safe place) we can keep returning to again and again.

¹¹ They will perish, but You remain and continue permanently; they will all grow old and wear out like a garment.

My thoughts: the programming structures will fall, they will perish, the enemy’s plans will fail, but You will remain and continue permanently. There is no abandonment to fear with You. I know that I know that You will never leave me nor forsake me.

¹² Like a mantle [thrown about one’s self] You will roll them up, and they will be changed and replaced by others. But You remain the same, and Your years will never end nor come to failure.

My thoughts: He is always the same. I can know what to expect. I can know His heart and His character; He will never fail. He has already overcome.

¹³ Besides, to which of the angels has He ever said, Sit at My right hand [associated with Me in My royal dignity] till I make your enemies a stool for your feet?

My thoughts: I can’t wait for that day!

¹⁴ Are not the angels all ministering spirits (servants) sent out in the service [of God for the assistance] of those who are to inherit salvation?

My thoughts: Thank you for Your angels. Please put them on assignment to help set the captives free. Can you send some to my family to show them truth, expose the cult to them, show them the things that are hidden. Send angels to minister to all the survivors fighting for their healing, and the ones still trapped and don’t know there is a way out. The harvest is ripe, but the workers are few. Send Your angels to fill in the gap and to train up workers.

Please do NOT take my thoughts as theology. If it resonates great but take everything to the Lord in prayer. This is simply an example of how scripture meets me in whatever season of life I am in, and these are the first thoughts that came to mind, not something I have mined and tested within the context of all of scripture. It’s simply a glimpse into how the Bible has changed for me as He has taken me deeper into His truths. Always remember, this is only a blog written by a survivor who is still on her healing journey. We used to play a game a lot called “Frist Thought” and it revealed a lot of truth about my system, so I thought I’d try it with this and see what it revealed.

But sometimes, a girl just has to share her heart. The Bible truly is a goldmine.

I am curious…

Am I the only one who reads the Bible this way?