There is a truth that is rarely named, even in spaces created to help survivors heal. I don’t think it’s intentional, people just don’t know what they don’t know. The danger in this is that the Word tells us people perish for a lack of knowledge. It’s our natural parental instinct to love our children and see them as innocent, safe, and loving. I know for me, I have felt at times like my child was the only thing I got right. Protecting her has always been my ultimate priority and I went to great lengths to do so. She is the one thing I did that I will always be proud of, but all of the things I managed to do right with her will never be enough to make the truth not be the truth.

2 Corinthians 10:3–5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh… bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”

Many Survivors are not free to heal because access has never been revoked from their loved ones. In family systems, especially between a parent and child there are often explicit or implicit agreements made very early in the child’s life that allow constant access. These agreements are seen as legal rights in the spirit realm and the enemy takes full advantage of them. They will be hidden behind amnesic walls and operating in the internal system whether the front person is aware of them or not. A parent may be praying, teaching, and doing all the right things, but if the individual parts of the system that made the agreements never repented and withdrew consent, nothing will actually change.

In many parent child relationships where trauma and programming occurred, the child has been given permanent permission to access the parent’s system. There is no internal barrier, no gate, and no separation. Until the parent remembers that the agreement exists, understands why it was made, and recognizes the fear that sustains it, the access continues. Often this permission is not maintained out of love, but out of fear. The fear of what will happen to the child, fear of punishment, fear of abandonment, or fear of being responsible for harm reinforces the amnesic walls. It is not easy to come out of denial when it comes our kids. We can start by giving Yahweh permission to show us truth, even if it hurts. We can ask Him to start preparing us to be willing to look at the whole truth, and also to be able to receive His forgiveness and mercy for the things we may remember.

John 8:32 “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

It is rare that a parent realizes that they have soul parts of their child inside their system in the beginning, but it is very common for a parent to take those parts in as a way to protect them. What’s done is done and this isn’t about guilt. Gaining this knowledge will open doors for healing. For me, I found solace in thinking that if I had parts of my child in my system, then at least she would know how much I truly love her. They would also be able to take back my truth that I love them and that Yeshua loves them and wants to rescue them and share it with the rest of their system. I thought even if they didn’t know what to believe, they would know for sure what I believed and be able to pull strength from that. Those thoughts enabled me to start looking at the possibility that this could be true for me as a survivor who was born into an occult family.

When a parent begins to resist access, even subtly, the child’s parts often respond by appealing to other parts inside the parent. The pleas sound like “I’m being punished,” “You’re abandoning me,” “Please let me back in,” “If you loved me, you wouldn’t block me.” Because many of those parts inside the parent are wounded, fearful, or bound by guilt, they agree. This restores access and the cycle continues. This is not accidental, it’s how trauma bonds function. This is so challenging because there will be double binds in place that the front presenter part will not be aware of such as if I cut off access as a parent, my child will commit suicide, but if I don’t cut off access, neither of us will ever be able to heal. You will also see this play out in the natural when access starts being denied. The child may suddenly become extremely anxious, restless, angry, or tearful and their front presenter part will have no idea why they feel so terrible. They will not understand that parts inside are panicking because they can no longer do their job of accessing the parent and therefore are fearful and trying to make the child as uncomfortable as possible until they can regain control. The child will have no idea that they have back parts working for the cult or that they have been assigned to access their parents, siblings, etc.

In cult bonded systems, the parent child bond can become more powerful than the marital bond. When a parent tries to get out, the child may become the enforcer, reporter, and/or the handler. In the same way, when a child tries to get out, the parent will often access them in the same manner. This is part of what secular therapy call enmeshment. There is no clear sense of “me” and “you.” There is only “us.”

We have to understand that cult bonds are intentionally engineered. The parent and child often have no identity outside of one another and no internal framework for separation or autonomy. Outside friendships will be controlled or non-existent to reinforce the dependency on each other. The same can occur within spouse relationships. When one person tries to exit, devastation and/or chaos always occurs when access remains open. Open access sabotages healing, delays progress and allows contracts and agreements to be reinforced. If enough leeway is given, those controlling parts can hinder prayer or healing sessions from inside, ensuring that little or no real progress is made.

When a survivor shows up for prayer or a session and appears willing and cooperative, they will have other parts that are present. Those parts may restrict what can be spoken, limit emotional access, control which memories surface, or ensure that nothing threatening is resolved. They may not overtly disrupt the session; they simply manage it quietly enough to prevent freedom. They will also be reporting your upcoming scheduled appointment and what happens during that appointment back to the cult group. This can occur in real time while you are in session, you can have parts going in the astral realm to report back.

In some systems, agreements extend beyond the family into groups or ministries. Multiple people may be sent into the same environment with internal agreements that allow them to access one another. This maintains compliance, enables monitoring, enforces punishment for those who resist, and allows information to be shared. Some internal parts, often amnesic and unaware of the agreements they carry, genuinely believe they are helping. They believe the ministry they are sent into is harmful, that people there are being hurt, and that they have been sent on a mission to protect or rescue others. When they witness someone in prayer or a session, they report it. They are instructed to access the person to make it stop, believing this is protection and caring rather than control.

These parts often truly believe they are doing good. They do not know they are enforcing bondage. At the same time, agencies or controlling systems will look for any open door in the person praying or facilitating the session such as fear, saviorism, lack of boundaries, or unresolved trauma. They will use those open doors to disrupt the session, redirect authority, or halt progress. This is how relational access operates within trauma systems.

Most people move through predictable stages when encountering this reality. First comes denial: “That can’t be true.” Then minimization: “Maybe for others, but not here.” Next is confusion, where patterns are noticed but not fully understood. Then comes the destabilizing realization that something is controlling the process. Grief, anger, and fear surface which can cause you to feel like you really are going crazy. Finally, there is recognition that access itself must be revoked. This is where healing can really take place as the survivor becomes willing to act on what they have learned. I cannot stress enough that this is a huge step and not to be taken lightly. This is where the survivor will have to dig deep and put all of their trust in Yahweh to protect both them and their child for true healing to occur.

Healing does not fail because people are not trying hard enough. The hard truth is that true healing can’t happen when access remains open, agreements are still honored, and fear continues to govern consent. Until access is revoked at the system level, healing will remain partial, delayed, or undone. This is not about blame. It is about reality. And reality does not change simply because we pray around it or wish it away. We must get our whole system on board with wanting to heal and understanding that Yeshua is worth whatever it costs us. When we truly accept that the very best way to keep our children safe and give them an opportunity to heal is to cut off access and trust Yeshua to protect them then we will see our healing advance in big ways.

Galatians 5:1 “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”