There is a massive attack on ministries that come against the occult and try to help survivors heal. My life has not gone untouched by the serious accusations being made against both well-known and unknown people in this blood-soaked battle. I’ve watched people from all walks of life wield their words like sharpened weapons, forged in fire and dripping with poison. It feels like the afternoon thunderstorms have been picking up the words after they leave someone’s mouth and twisting them into deadly lightning bolts perfectly aligned at the target with a fierceness that must break God’s heart. I have watched as more and more ministers are being exposed on social media. I’ve bathed it in so much prayer at this point that I think I’ve felt every emotion possible and some so deeply that I felt physically sick.
It feels as if there is a raging battle for my soul happening in the spirit realm and there are quite a few people engaged in that fight. Hurt, loss, anger, rejection, betrayal and deep grief have caused people to draw their line in the proverbial sand. Communication cannot cross it. Understanding and compassion get knocked down before they can even attempt to stick their big toe out in that direction. Love is not invited and scripture is left behind without a second thought. This is the nature of second heaven warfare.
I have always had the ability to see different perspectives simultaneously even when they are starkly different regardless of if I agree with them or not. It is both a blessing and well… not always the easiest thing to manage. It’s usually in this gift that my emotions trip me up. I can hurt for someone and at the same time want to pull my hair out over how stubbornly they are locked into their stance with no willingness to see the red flags all over it. So much so, that throughout this trial, I created a graphic that I can send when I really need to keep my mouth shut but it feels impossible to say nothing at all. If you get this picture from me, just know that I’m trying to stay out of God’s way and I need prayer.
As I have sought the Lord for wisdom and understanding, I’ve been shown some things straight from Him that equip me to know how to wage war against the enemy’s fiery darts. Most of my understanding comes from battle scars that felt so much like my current wounds. I’ve made it through the worst of times by declaring that though He slay me, yet will I serve Him and that has not changed. Love really does cover a multitude of sins while gossip separates good friends.
Past battles have taught me that when all hell breaks loose and everything is coming against me, there is still safety for me in Him no matter what the occult does. He still has a good plan no matter how awful the situation looks and feels. Often, the hardest (and maybe most important) part to remember is that He has a good plan for those hurting us too.
I’m so thankful for those who have spoken that into my life this week. Trying to navigate principalities and wickedness in high places while my heart breaks for the wounded around me was never intended to be a solo battle. We all need people who will come alongside us and fight on our behalf when we are knee deep in triggers and can’t see our own needs. We need friends with sharpened weapons of warfare and the discernment to fight even when they don’t know all the details. Friends who understand the power of their words and wield the sword of the Spirit with holy precision.
As good stewards of the manifold grace of God, each of you should use whatever gift he has received to serve one another. 1 Peter 4:10
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16
I’ve been feeling a little like one of the chosen ones to fight for my life in the next hunger games battle. I don’t understand all that is happening, but I know that none of us have it all right. None of this has really been my battle, but because I love everyone involved, I have taken some pretty big hits. I’ve also endured some Fatherly correction and at the end of the day I’m pitching my tent in the Lord’s camp. I’ll take the crushing because I need the new wine. I’ll bear one another’s burdens and intercede on everyone’s behalf. As for knowing who is wrong and who is right, for several days now I’ve been reminded that the first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him (Proverbs 18:17). Only God knows the whole story and the intents of the hearts involved. Everything else is circumstantial evidence.
I keep asking myself the same rhetorical questions, “What am I supposed to do when nothing feels right, safe, or in alignment with my spiritual discernment?” What do I do when I’m faced with hard choices that I don’t want to make? How do I yet again pick up the pieces of my heart and put it back together when it hasn’t fully healed from the last time it broke? I hear the familiar words echoing from years ago when I first learned the difference between calling myself a Christian and living a surrendered life… Do it afraid if you must but do it. And there’s the rub. Some of the biggest breakthroughs in my life were birthed from words spoken to me by people who were cult-loyal and didn’t know it. God can use anyone, and who am I to say otherwise? If I were in court right now, I would have just lost my case.
Asking to be examined by a holy God is quite humbling and the longer I sit quietly and listen, the more that is revealed about the condition of my own heart. I find myself at a place of spiritual circumcision and that is not a mountain I want to go around twice. How can I pray for others if I don’t remove the plank from my own eye first? Every necessary thing in my life right now is causing me to feel raw, exposed, and vulnerable.
New wine does not come from grapes that remain untouched. The grape has to be picked, crushed, opened, and poured out before fermentation can begin. Even then, it is not finished. It has to sit, be watched, be purified, and be given time to mature. That’s feeling very familiar in this season. Sometimes we think the crushing is the end of us, but in God’s hands, the crushing becomes the beginning of something new. New wine also needs a vessel that can expand with it. If the wineskin is old, brittle, or unable to stretch, the pressure of the new wine can cause it to burst. God is not just producing new wine in us; He is also preparing us to be able to carry it.
The safest place for me to be is in His will. My spirit is challenging my soul to come up higher, to get out of my emotions, separate from the drama and to give up my right to defend, protect, and protest the things I don’t agree with. In other words, get out of God’s way already. My heart hurts, but it is well with my soul today. I have wrestled with the Lord and settled the matter. I have repented, renounced, rebuked, and rejoiced. Not because all is well and the lines in the sand have been erased, but because my heart has been reminded that I serve a big God and He is always faithful.